- It is my first day back at work after having 9 days off. Getting up in the morning again was a total bitch. So much so that I failed totally. I dragged my sorry ass out of the mound of warmth that is my bed at about 9.45 and didnt make it out of the door until about 10.15am. So, only about 1 and a half hours late. Fortunately, a) my line manager is off this week. No supervision. No guilt. b) Where I work is very flexible. I have timetracking software and as long as everything balances out at some point nobody really blinks. I still stress about lateness though.
- The heating at work is broken, and summer appears to have ended early, after a brief one week appearance. It is cold. I do not like the cold. I do not like it with a fox. I am tempted to go home and be warm, but again with the guilt.
- Did I mention it’s the first day back?
- The summer has gone away somewhere, leaving only coldness and rain.
- The holiday has left me not refreshed and invigorated, full of energy and new ideas, but questioning what kind of a future I want, and if my job is going to work in the long term.
So, thats the negative.
I realise I need to counter this awfulness with some clever neuron-pathway creating positivity, and avoid old patterns of seeing only the negative, so I will attempt some chicanery to convince myself that all is well and the above mumbling and moaning is meaningless.
Reasons today is wonderful:
- The project I work on has had its funding officially extended until end of september. I will not be out of work at the end of this month, which was a real possibility and has been weighing me down a lot, although I have avoided it totally depressing me. I have another 3 months to figure out where my life is going to go next!
- Having trouble thinking of more points so can I resort to stock answers such as, I have a roof, a wonderful partner, erm, I don’t have any kind of life threatening disease (that I’m aware of).
- Stuff, is er, great.
- I like this cheddar and plum chutney sandwich I am currently eating. It makes a pleasant change from the usual chicken and bacon related sandwich I usually opt for when faced with the sandwich choice paralysis at the store.
- I am going home soon. (although when I do get home I have the kids staying overnight, so not much relaxing will be done. Maybe thats something to go in the sucky column, but then if I put my kids in the sucky column I am a Bad Father, so can’t do that. Kids are tiring and painful for one such as me, but never a chore, oh no. Honest, I would miss them if I never saw them. It’s just, they have too much energy and make me painfully aware of how little I have…)