cake or death reprise – Cake, then death please.

I forgot the point of the previous post in my tangential ramblings. (tangential – word or not?) 

I was talking about not going on about the inner whinings I have endured regarding the existence of my blog. I guess I succeeded by then forgetting what I was not going to talk about. But, to summarise. As with any recovery blogger, I feel a certain pressure to keep talking about the stuff that my readers originally came here for, i.e the depressing stuff. 

Alas, most of the time, these days I am just not very depressed. Whilst depression might suck, it does tend to give one a certain fire in the belly to whine about how crap life is. Thats good, it gets it out into the open, where it can’t fester inside like a tumour of misery. 

however, without that fire I find it kind of difficult to motivate myself to write in this blog, because, as I mentioned,  I feel a certain obligation to write only from the pen of doom, and not the quill of contentment. 

I don’t know why. Hardly anyone reads this thing, so it’s main object is just to be a place to let me write stuff. But there’s always a part of me that fears boring the crap out of people. I think it’s that way for many bloggers. We want to write interesting stuff. Dramatic stuff. Well-researched stuff. We don’t want to write myspace-like drivel about what we did at the weekend. Which is weird considering most depresso-bloggers ™ want nothing more than a nice quiet boring non-depressive life. 

So, those are the things I have being considering. On the one hand, I feel this blog would be difficult to turn into a normal blog about whatever the hell comes into my mind. On the other hand, I don’t particularly want to start a whole new blog. This is me. The bad and the good. I don’t want to keep two blogs. That would just be doubly stressful and leave me with two things to worry that I’m neglecting.

In other news, this month has been a bit of an action-packed whirlwind, so much so that I haven’t really had a chance to take stock yet. Here’s a quick summary:

• Made friends with my stepmother who I haven’t spoken to for about three years due to a massive argument we had. 
• Hugged my father for the first time ever, well, since I was too young to remember anyway. This is a big one. My father is emotionally distant. I am therefore emotionally distant with my family. I bit the bullet and did it anyway, as it became clear that expecting him to do it first was just childish. Yes, I am the child, but I am not a child. 
• Hugged my father a couple more times. Seemed churlish to stop after one. 
• Got a job. After a couple of months of interviews, fear and loathing. Rejection. More interviews. Fear. Loathing. 
• Getting aforementioned job means I can now make the move to a new and more interesting city (well, to a city) that I have been wanting to do for some time. Scary. Exciting. 
• Put on some weight and exercised a bunch. I should post a bit more about this, but long story short, eating well and exercise helps mood disorders. Who knew! 
• Some other stuff that made me happy and was exciting and life-changing that I am not going into in this blog.

 

So basically, before my psych has even completed his interminable assessment of my maladaptive schema I am solving most of my long-standing issues. What the hell am I paying him for? 

I’m moving anyway, so I am going to be seeing a new psych in the new city. hopefully this one will move a little faster. I may as well just charge myself £75 an hour.