I am in the office. Trying to get my brain into gear.
It’s not working.
I haven’t slept well this week, going back to work has thrown my mind into a loop. I was relaxed, and suddenly I am not. I am having stress and anxiety dreams, but not really sure if they’re trying to tell me something or just mirroring my internal stress and anxiety.
C is working non stop to meet a deadline, which is fine, I am dealing with that better than I usually do (perhaps I’m… growing…nah, surely not) but the amount of time I’m spending alone in my head is perhaps exacerbating (is that how you spell that?) the weirdness going on. Maybe not. Maybe it’s just allowing it to trundle along in its own way and I am dealing with it as a normal person should, i.e without flipping out/having an anxiety overload/getting depressed. Perhaps a somewhat low phase is ok? I don’t know…I don’t know what is normal. I’m so trained to look out for possible signs that I’m about to nosedive into doomcloud central that I worry whenever I am less than perfect inside my mind. (Perfect for me you understand, is really just the absence of anxiety)
I should just let this run it’s course maybe.
Oh lordy. I don’t know how to be a person… I didn’t expect this when I was wishing for stability. I don’t even know what is normality.
Arghhhhhh.
Ok. It’s fine. Breathe.
Breathing achieved.
I will have coffee. And write something about web office tools. That will make it all better. If I finish an article I will do the happy dance and things will be glittery and shiny again.
Yes.
Go Team Shiny!
June 1, 2008 at 10:57 am |
Hello there,
Liz said an interesting thing to me a few weeks ago, regarding the nature of us being pulled/jumping down into the black hole again and again.
It was this:
* Anxiety causes a release of adrenaline
* Adrenaline is addictive, therefore anxiety is addictive
* Our minds end up doing whatever they can to get our next hit, hence we find ourselves constanty searching for the next problem, getting higher and higher on our evil drug.
Hmph. At least it doesn’t cost money, I guess.
I try these days to place those negative thoughts in a pretty bubble and let them float away. Of course, my mind often pops that bubble on a tree branch or something, and Bad Thought sucks its way back down to me…but it works more and more frequently, i am reasonably happy to say.
x
June 5, 2008 at 6:41 pm |
yay team shiny! you go, boy.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KExoP97KUnY
June 7, 2008 at 2:27 pm |
Hey K. Thanks for the ‘big ups’ as they say in the hood.
Where you at? Not at the bottom of a bottle of liquor one hopes. Out and about doing real life things?
June 7, 2008 at 2:32 pm |
Ms Purrr. I don’t like your theory, but it has a certain worrying aspect of possible maybe truth to it. I did partake of many less than legal substances from the age of 16 or so, and pretty much stopped when I was about 22. The longer I went without the drugs, the worse my depression got so maybe a link there. My body having come to require certain mind alterations and lacking chemicals, just trying to make stuff up. I have always had anxiety though, since childhood. That only got worse after I had a bit of a breakdown, so I think I just burnt a few fuses at that point and have never been the same since.
Just a little rewiring work needed.
I object to being hooked on misery. I object most strenuously. Away with you and your evil ideas.
June 12, 2008 at 4:01 pm |
tagged you for a meme, de