Lets see PA guess this one the cheeky monkey 
—————————–
I’ve been hovering close to posting all weekend, but can’t quite seem to bring myself to do it.
Of course I’m doing it now, but in a reflexive sort of, ‘I’m not posting’ kind of way, thus circumnavigating the issue quite neatly.
I don’t know if it’s just mental exhaustion from the new job (probably), but I can’t seem to come to any kind of decision regarding whether blogging is actually worth the effort.
Frankly I think the only thing I really get out of it is meeting lovely people – who I actually know virtually nothing about – and participating in a kind of mutual delusion that we are all nice people, and would actually be able to spend 5 minutes together in real life without getting bored and wandering off in disgust.
This is the cynic in me of course. In actuality, in my less dark moments I do find it hard to believe that peoples true character doesn’t come out in their writing and their online conversation, however brief and sporadic it may be.
So is there a point to the transitory and faintly illusory relationships we form between each other, in blogalia? Would we, for instance, be better off spending our time popping down to the local bar and starting a random conversation with a real person who looked vaguely interesting, instead of sitting at home tapping away at our computers, because we can only open up if there is sod all chance of anyone actually seeing us, spending any real time with us?
Don’t ask me. I don’t have the answers…I’m asking you…
Well?
What are we doing? What is this new western obsession with living our lives virtually, reaching out across the binary pathways, whilst every day we don’t bother really talking or opening up to people we see every day, our work colleagues, shop workers, neighbours, family…old friends, not so old friends…
When did this collection of letters on a screen become so attractive compared to the ‘real’ world?
Is it just fear? Are we driven to pursue our lives online because it feels safer to have that buffer zone. Are we so removed from each other physically due to our lack of community, that we can no longer cope with the actual physical presence of strangers any more?
One of the thoughts I was pondering earlier this weekend, that I failed to blog about, was the amount of damage done by the simple emotions of fear and anger. Pretty much all of the worlds problems can be laid at their door, be they more personal and petty, or global and culturally driven. Think about it…if you could somehow eradicate fear and anger from your life, how much simpler and pleasant would your life be?
But then, you run into the human problem of pain and suffering being educational, motivational and a catalyst for change. Without those rawer darker emotions, would we be human at all? Would we have the same energy and drive? Probably not, but it’s an extreme concept. We are human, and we can’t eradicate fear and anger, but if we could even reduce it by 10%, learn to love a little more, be less judgemental, less selfish, less scared of everything and everybody. If we could learn to trust just a bit more. Would that be enough to allow us to strike up a conversation with someone we don’t know? To share something of our private world with the people around us? To open up a little? Instead of having to retreat to our private worlds here, to share our thoughts with the invisibles, the ones who can’t hurt us because they don’t really exist do they? Even if they don’t get us, don’t like us, so what? We can just close down our blogs, and create a new world somewhere else.
Nobody can touch us here…
But no…I’m no closer to understanding if blogging is good for me, or detrimental.
I know I value all of you I have met and talked to. At least those that talk back anyway!
Sometimes though, don’t you wish you could just gather everyone up and head down to the bar, and actually have a conversation with each other, share stories of life, and of tears and of joy…instead of these fragments and splinters that amount to virtually nothing of our souls and our hearts?
There is something lacking in a world of text…possibly why we can’t stop ‘tubing…we need the heights of emotion that song brings, to get a message across, that mere text can’t hope to achieve.
This one’s for fulamuso:
July 2, 2007 at 9:54 pm |
if i met up with you in a bar, i would say absolutely nothing of any real meaning to me… i would only say “everything’s fine”. i don’t know that many bloggers are like that, but i am.
July 2, 2007 at 10:15 pm |
It’s a good point. But why are we more comfortable opening up to strangers than to actual real people? Does it come down to the fear again? Needing to protect ourselves from rejection and judgement?
July 2, 2007 at 10:53 pm |
this lonely world is wasted
pathetic eyes high alive
blind to the tide that turns the sea
this storm it came up strong
it shook the trees
and blew away our fear
i couldn’t even hear…
July 3, 2007 at 7:03 pm |
i’m of the “stiff upper lip” variety, i don’t share my woes – i think they’re incredibly boring to other people. perhaps because their woes are incredibly boring to me as well.
if i’m bored with someone’s blog, i’ll just move on and not feel guilty – and i assume that others will do the same to me.
i’m not as afraid of rejection and judgement as i am of hurting someone’s feelings.
July 3, 2007 at 9:38 pm |
Okay, first off–you stumped me with Interpol. I’ve never gotten my hands on them and have always been curious.
Second, don’t be a tosser. If I came over to Lampy right now, we’d be chewing each other’s ears off about all sorts of stuff.
But regarding the rest of your post, I had an interesting sort of “chat” via comment with another blogger who kind of complimented me about the “rawness” and authenticity of my blog. Blogging is strange. I never thought I would ever have a blog and I never knew what direction it would take but it’s certainly gone in some wild and wacky ones–definitely of late.
This other blogger and some others have said that I’m really in touch with my life. I just about died right in front of my computer. Erm…okay. But she also said the same thing as you that only parts of people may be represented by what they write. Well, okay. That may lead to some form of judgment but I simply said that for me, it doesn’t. Not because of the emotions I feel or to what degree or percentage–just my own “degree” of sympathy or even empathy that I may have if I have been through something similar.
Sure, perhaps eradicating some of your emotions might help. That’s an interesting proposal but not to sound like an arse…it’s just not possible. We feel what we feel.
PA’s an open book. Plain and simple. If she met a stranger or “random” person as you put it or another blogger she would be no different. If anything the conversation might stray off into blog conversation for a bit but I’m sure it would eventually steer off into other things. Boy, sometimes the way she rambles on to strangers they might think she’s too open but so be it.
She opens up to people that she knows also…she is lacking in some “closer people” at the moment but hopefully they will come? But in my opinion, the transitory relationships between bloggers that you can get to know are the same as real life people–it just may take longer for them to disappear!
I don’t think that it is fear that drives me to blog. Perhaps anger? I might want to have a good rant or something but again, I could just as easily rant about it to someone in person.
I’ve thought about shutting down my blog of late and it sounds like you are too. I know I would miss it. Apart from me trying to get stuff out I do *try* and write creatively but I just haven’t had the motivation lately. Blogging is the closest I’ve been able to come. I don’t think it’s all that creative even though, again, I have received compliments on my ability to write. This, as well, boggles my mind.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with YouTubes either. I mean, they can be complimentary to your posts or funny/entertaining. I always find great value in music and the great expression of feelings there. And even if others don’t necessarily “get” them, so what? You blog for yourself–not necessarily others. Or perhaps, if you are concerned that others won’t understand, you can elaborate a little bit? It all depends on how personal you want to be. And well, if you read my blog it gets pretty personal.
Also, you can meet people in real life that can be just as illusory. They can totally misrepresent themselves. Just like you said that you only get a “snapshot,” if you will, of someone via their blog, the same goes for someone in real life. If they’re going to hold back and not tell you things when they speak to you then I see it as the same thing.
Okay, I think I’ve covered everything?
July 3, 2007 at 9:50 pm |
Would seem so yes…
July 5, 2007 at 12:11 am |
I seem to be blog spooked as of late, darkness — and have absolutely no idea why. Then i think, hell, if people can’t put themselves out there via text, then what? Fear of judgment gives me the chilly willies these days.
I like to entertain the idea that i’ll one day meet my favorite bloggers in the flesh. Dunno if it’ll become a reality, but i still ponder.
July 18, 2007 at 6:26 am |
I am fascinated with fear and anger, largely because I do not feel them. It’s a long story. Largely the way that I was raised coupled with a six-year stint as a very, very serious buddhist. My entire perspective on life and people just negates the need for fear and hate. Now, the fear thing is dangerous and maladaptive. I can get myself into all sorts of trouble. It is good to be afraid of some things.
Your question about talking to strangers is interesting; because my friends have always remarked on my ability to go up and start a conversation about anything. So, yes, I think that in absence of fear people would talk to strangers about significant issues. And I do think that the anonymity of a blog helps counteract the inhibitions. But that is not necessarily bad, you are still being introduced to new ideas and perspectives. And hopefully, via blogging, people are beginning to learn that we are not all so very different in the grand scheme of things.
I have a hope that people who have positive experiences with others in the safety of the blogsphere will become more open to risking relationships with others in the non-virtual realm. But that’s just my thoughts.
July 18, 2007 at 6:27 am |
Dammit, scratch hate from the above sentence. It should read, “My entire perspective on life and people just negates the need for fear and anger.”
July 18, 2007 at 8:26 am |
Interesting.
Surely, you feel fear and anger to some level, at some times?
I have a fair amount of anger, but its vastly improved on what it was like before I was medicated. I can calm myself now, and get perspective. I rarely get too stressed by things people do or say.
Thanks for the reminder as to why blogging is good. I do forget the benefits sometimes. I think it only really works if you do get discussion though, hence the latest post, as it was a thought that was bouncing around my head.
July 18, 2007 at 8:50 am |
I know that I have felt it in the past, a long time ago, but both emotions are so far removed from me now that any remembrance of them is probably a reconstruction from what I notice in others and not so much what I felt when I used to feel fear and anger.
It is very difficult for western society to acknowledge that a person can exist without feeling anger (my lack of fear is more of a psychological problem – so we should probably not lump that in with anger). Eastern mysticism is significantly more open. And buddhist studies really did change my perspective on relating to people and being angry. So, no, I don’t feel it. I might say that something “pisses me off”, which is more like a moderate annoyance. Even that is a stretch.
My basic philosophy on interactions with others is that I never think someone has done something ‘to me’. In ‘Aikaterine-land’ people do things ‘to themselves’. They make decisions which may or may not affect something in my life; but everyone is on their own path and the choices that they make are necessary for their own growth in some way. It’s not my place to be angry at them for their choices. It is my place to be as supportive as I can, without interfering. That’s the best way to explain it. Now, for years I perfected this belief so that it now is second nature. If I do not really have a concept of people doing things ‘to me’ then anger does not make sense, right? It seems to me that people get angry when they feel slighted or wronged in some way, I never feel that. I hope that I am explaining this in a coherent manner. It is hard.
July 18, 2007 at 6:31 pm |
I understand it. Sounds coherent to me..I’ve read buddhism, and I really aspire to such heights of sensibleness, but somehow I keep failing to control myself.
Aren’t there times when it takes time for you to get over feeling slighted, and reassert your acceptance of everything?
If you have achieved a state of such utter acceptance I would expect you to vanish in a puff of nirvana.
But I completely agree with your way of life, and aspire to it myself.
Its hard.
Where do you stand on the extreme examples. Is everything that happened you doing it to yourself? What if I thunk you round the head for no reason…did you do that to yourself? For that system to work, doesn’t everyone have to play?
July 18, 2007 at 9:03 pm |
“Aren’t there times when it takes time for you to get over feeling slighted, and reassert your acceptance of everything?”
In the beginning, yes. But once the philosophy set in, once I really made it part of my way of thinking, I stopped feeling slighted, so there is nothing to get over.
“If you have achieved a state of such utter acceptance I would expect you to vanish in a puff of nirvana.”
If only it were that easy. But even if it were, I am not buddhist anymore. So no nirvana for me.
“What if I thunk you round the head for no reason…did you do that to yourself? For that system to work, doesn’t everyone have to play?”
I have unfortunately had my belief system tested in just such a manner. Only significantly more deranged and violent. It stuck. I never felt slighted, not in the hospital or during recovery, not ever. I remember being hurt and saddened because this guy suffered so much that he felt the need to lash out at strangers. Even now, when I think of him, there is no anger. Just sadness that society can create people with that much pain and anger.
We are talking about the way that I perceive and react to outside stimulus, the only person who has to play that game – is me. After all, they are my perceptions and reactions, right? A side note, this is an area where being a mental case really, really helps.
July 18, 2007 at 10:31 pm |
Actually…I think the worse people act towards me, the easier I find it to not be bothered. Its always the little things that annoy me the most, and those things usually are due to inner problems rather than something that someone is actually doing to me, they’re just provoking an internal issue, that unearths emotions.
When it is a more obvious act, whether it be due to malevolence or momentary selfishness (and who isn’t prone to that?) I can generally shrug it off. Most people don’t go around trying to hurt each other, its just collateral damage. So in essence I agree, that we do things to ourselves in that we translate peoples actions as directed at us when really, we are just in the way of other people.
I still can’t get rid of those emotions though…the pointless, timewasting, painful ones…but then I think, isn’t that part of being human? Do we want to become unflinching, lacking in fear, hurt, pain, anger, rage, androids? Extreme I know…but isn’t messiness part of it all? Or is that just an excuse?
I am a whole lot better at processing life events than I used to be, since the meds, but not there yet. I don;t mind though, I seek balance rather than perfection. Spend enough time just praying that one day you will have the capacity for happiness, never mind actually achieving it, and getting better seems like a major victory. It means there is hope.
July 19, 2007 at 1:02 am |
Anger, as an emotion, has always interested me. The other ones hurt, pain, joy, desire, passion, I feel all of them, and I think that they are important to being healthy. I particularly revel in desire, which is why I am not buddhist. But anger always seemed maladaptive and misplaced to me. I can’t help but wonder if it ever does anything good for anyone.
July 19, 2007 at 7:15 pm |
Anger can be a catalyst to self discovery…maybe… but only if you’re out of touch with yourself. It is something of a pressure valve, bursting forth a geyser of emotion if you don’t do anything with them in any constructive way.
I don’t know. I can’t talk properly today. Brain fizz.
Desire. I have very little control on that one. I fall in love at least 7 times a day, and then out of love just as quickly. Possibly not love then?
I just get excited by people. I think its slightly manic tendencies. People tend to flip a switch in me…and I get an urge to devour them, like cartons of delightful juice. Then after a while, I find I have drained all the juice out, and have but a mere cardboard thing, of no interest to me…
Does that make me a bad person?
Naturally, some people retain their interest for me…but not usually the ones I sleep with. I am planning to seperate my life into people I sleep with and people I want to stay interested in. I can’t seem to find the right people that I can combine both.
Erm. I might have said enough now. Not sure. Can;t tell anymore.
Someone else talk now. I am going to talk to the cat.
July 19, 2007 at 9:35 pm |
I have similar tendencies as you in the love department, and I definitely get you on the being left with a cardboard box. I have learned to be brutally honest with the people I meet about this, and I do not tell people that I love them unless I am confident that they will not end up in the cardboard section.
I experience love in a similar way as you, almost as an intense infatuation. In my mind, I call it love. If it feels like love, why not call it love. There are so many other things to obsess over, let’s keep the good stuff fun.
Desire is just glorious. I try to live a modified aesthetic/epicurean lifestyle. Surround myself with beauty, never repress my desires. Give in to my temptations. I find myself to be a lot more stable this way.
Getting exited by people is a beautiful thing. But I wonder why you loose interest in the people you sleep with. Is that just a man-conquerer thing? There is nothing left to chase. Or is it the sex that is disappointing?
July 19, 2007 at 10:21 pm |
Well. Honestly I don’t think it is the actual sleeping with people, but the sheer amount of time I tend to spend with people I am sleeping with. I just kind of burn the interest out in one glorious breath. (mixed metaphors there, sorry).
Also, once people have spent a certain amount of time around me they feel inclined to tell me how to live my life, get annoyed at my inconsistency, get annoyed at my incoherence one day and then utter frustration at their inability to appreciate my brilliant solution for solving the worlds problems.
In short, I am not a good person to be domestic around!
I don’t lose interest in people I sleep with, I just keep trying to get closer and closer to people, and if they’re female, that will inevitably result in some removal of clothing…
It doesn’t necessarily help with the getting closer to someone, but its like a compulsion you know? Like a desire to absorb someone…
Not that I am some kind of tart who prowls bars and having one night stands…I don’t do one night stands…I’m more of a serial monogamist. But I’m wondering if I should maybe be trying to compartmentalise my life a little more, and stop trying to combine all my needs into one person, because that might be a little naive considering how god awful I am to live with. I need lots of space or I go mad. I can quite happily not need anyone around me for weeks at a time, other than people who will sell me things to eat, or drink.
I wonder if moderating my desires is sensible, but I don’t think so. I should just rearrange my world to suit who I am…it seems to work pretty well. If people don’t like the way I want my world then they don’t have to try and fit into it.
July 20, 2007 at 2:10 am |
“I just kind of burn the interest out in one glorious breath….Like a desire to absorb someone”
I understand, and that is one of the more difficult parts of my existence. I am in love with everything most of the time. I have tried all sorts of lifestyle changes, but the results were all horrid.
Living the way I do is certainly not always easy, people still expect me to care about the things that most women care about. And I am not easy to live with either.
Luckily, I do not think about the future much. So, I am not too concerned with how I should ‘be’ in romantic relationships. If someone comes along who interests me, I enjoy the moment.
I would only recommend my lifestyle (not moderating your desires) to someone if they are emotionally healthy. If they really love themselves and others. If you do not respect and love others, than not moderating your desires could cause a lot of harm. But if you feel and act as though every soul you touch is sacred, then I do not see any reason why you would need to deny yourself anything.
July 24, 2007 at 1:26 am |
“Sometimes though, don’t you wish you could just gather everyone up and head down to the bar, and actually have a conversation with each other, share stories of life, and of tears and of joy…instead of these fragments and splinters that amount to virtually nothing of our souls and our hearts?”
I travel frequently, am in the UK once or twice a year, and would be more than willing to meet up with everyone. Just not over beer, or at least not only beer.
July 24, 2007 at 1:28 am |
beer and chocolate?
July 24, 2007 at 2:29 am |
No, no beer. I do not like beer. But I do love the way you are thinking. Just replace beer with wine.
By the way, I made Salsa Cruda Ferretino, using fresh cilantro from my erb (thank you Eddie Izzard) garden. I served it at a dinner, in Texas. Everyone loved it. You should have seen the look on their faces when I told them that it was from a Brit.
July 24, 2007 at 8:57 am |
When did this culinary event take place? Recently? Do you jet around the country to server dinners to people or was there a purpose to it? Sorry, probably too nosy.
Home grown coriander is the best…
I’ve tried mass producing it by chopping the tomatoes in a food processor but it seems to make the tomatoes froth up and produce acids which ruin the flavour for me. Forget tinned tomatoes. So, its still a hand chopped affair for me, which only makes it more special anyway…
July 24, 2007 at 9:44 am |
Oh, salsa must be hand chopped. And I make dinner often. I am Greek, we love company. I love the whole dinner party thing, talking over a meal. It is an important part of my life. Unless I am depressed, but we all know what that is like.
I think my post may have come across as though I do not live in Texas, I do. I was just emphasizing Texas because we are known for salsa over here. And most Texans are not to keen on eating salsa made outside of Texas, especially not from the UK. They were floored, absolutely floored that someone from ‘across the water’ could come up with a decent salsa recipe.
July 24, 2007 at 7:54 pm |
I am so jealous…How I long for my life to be full of dinner parties and intelligent people I am comfortable with, laughing, eating, holding forth on topics both great and small…
Sadly I live in the arse end of nowhere, I am socially anxious, and erm, I don’t know…I just never seem to meet many people I would feel comfortable inviting to dinner. Perhaps I’m doing something wrong.
If I remember rightly the salsa developed in my usual culinary fashion – look at a few recipes, get bored and chuck stuff around in the kitchen and then refine over time.
There’s a mango version that is pretty good too.
Plus, I’ve always suspected I am a secret american at heart.
July 25, 2007 at 12:03 am |
haha, so you are not as bacchanal as you like to think then, are you?
I am horribly uninhibited, drives my mother batty. That, mixed with the bipolar tendency to be grandiose makes it very easy to go out and meet new people. And many of them seem to like me, as long as they do not get to know me too well. Then they get to see all of the bipolar/ADD craziness and things get difficult. But I love the get-togethers for what they are.
July 25, 2007 at 12:13 am |
One can be bacchanalic in many ways my dear. I prefer to indulge my senses in more succinct and intimate ways.
But don’t get me wrong, I love socialising, I just need certain kinds of people to feel comfortable, or in fact, feel like I can be bothered.
Once I get to know people I can be pretty intense and uninhibited. I am sooooo very very picky about the people I am comfortable getting to know though. I dont mean to be, its just the mark of cain. What can you do? Which brings us back to the earlier conversation about devouring people. I would love to be uninhibited…but then again, I think many of the people I have valued most in my life would run a mile from someone extremely outgoing and erm, grandiose (does that involve lots of arm gestures? Not sure)
I think liking someone and gettting to know someone well are very possibly mutually exclusive, It may sound depressing, but these are my findings. I could produce a graph. You can’t argue with a good graph. A pie chart maybe…
July 25, 2007 at 12:15 am |
pssss…have you noticed everone else has stopped talking? We’re like the sad old drunks left at the bar after everyone has gone…
July 25, 2007 at 12:28 am |
I prefer to believe they have stopped talking out of sheer awe for our remarkable conversations. They do not want to break up the flow of the page.
“I think liking someone and gettting to know someone well are very possibly mutually exclusive”
I have to disagree with you. In fact, I only get to know people well if I like them. Whereas you are picky in the beginning. I allow everyone into my life, enjoying all that they have to offer, until they do something which makes me cut them off. I am very picky about who I get to know well. Consequently, I have found that my affection grows as I get to know someone.
“One can be bacchanalic in many ways my dear. I prefer to indulge my senses in more succinct and intimate ways.”
There are levels, yes. But a true connoisseur indulges in pleasurable things every minute of the day. For me it is a lifestyle, not a way to approach specific situations.
I argue with pie charts every day. Fucking pie charts.
July 25, 2007 at 12:50 am |
Don’t be winning a discussion with me when I am depressed. I will be forced to email pie charts to you.
All right…I am just very very down on the whole relationship front right now. And disillusioned generally with the whole process of getting to know people. And male/female relationships generally.
And I’m not explaining myself very well. So I should stop.
I’m not picky deliberately though, I stress….I just don’t find too many people that are that interesting. It doesn’t mean I can’t pass the time of day with them, but for me, people are either, people to pass the time of day with, or people I want to turn inside out. There isn’t much of a grey area….some, but not much.
And of course, you have to take into account the fact that my interest in the world and anything outside my head can swing dramatically from hour to hour.
I think a fucking pie chart would be a very sorrowful looking thing at the moment.
July 25, 2007 at 1:10 am |
I wasn’t trying to win an argument. Just point out how vastly superior I am, in every way. Just kidding. And do feel free to IM me if you are sitting around and need someone to talk to.
I can’t say that I know how you feel; I am blessedly ignorant of being disillusioned with male/female relationships. But conversation can help you to feel better.
July 25, 2007 at 8:20 am |
‘I wasn’t trying to win an argument. Just point out how vastly superior I am, in every way.’
One and the same surely?
I slept. I am pretty good at sleeping these days, thank the prozac.
Always good to have people to IM, but i don’t use aim or icq, only google talk. hmmm.
July 25, 2007 at 8:48 am |
I think you are right. Fine, I kicked your butt in this argument AND I am vastly superior in every way. Happy?
July 25, 2007 at 6:22 pm |
I am just delirious…
I’ll be back
July 25, 2007 at 10:49 pm |
I am giving you a transcontinental virtual hug.
July 25, 2007 at 11:37 pm |
I could have totally gotten in on this but I’ve been kind of out of it lately. This was fun to skim through! Again, some commonalities here, I think?